Springfield's Doug Karpf Returns to Scotty's

Comedian has a one night only engagement tonight on his hometown turf

Doug Karpf knows Springfield. Not only is Karpf, who takes the microphone this weekend at Scotty’s, a Springfield resident, but he has spent most of his life in the area and said he feels he can relate to the people for whom he is performing. Since much of the audience hails from within a 10-mile radius of the club, he said there are a lot of little nuances and specifics he can get into that people might find entertaining. “Even if it’s speaking about local stores, nightlife or lack thereof,” Karpf, who grew up in Millburn, said, “I think a lot of them are impressed sometimes when I mention real local specifics that comics touring the country from other areas would have no idea about.” Karpf said he prides himself on being able to perform …

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Springfield Boy Gets History's Greatest Haircut

Township boy cuts his hair in tribute to his favorite animal.

Leapin' lizard locks! If any salons are interested in copying this cut, we'd strongly urge it to be called the "art gecko." James, 12-year-old Gaudineer student, decided to pay tribute to his favorite pet, the gecko, with his latest haircut. 

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Drivers Everywhere But on the Road

One winds up on the train tracks, another on a front lawn.

Each week, Patch takes a peek at some of the surprising, shocking and occasionally silly police-related incidents reported throughout New Jersey for "OMGs from NJ PDs." On the Wrong Track: Contrary to popular belief, there is no "wrong side of the tracks." Well, not unless you count the top side. A driver who made a wrong turn wound up on the train tracks paralleling Route 17, leading authorities to shut down New Jersey Transit traffic on the line, according to Hasbrouck Heights Police. It took police about an hour to remove the vehicle from the tracks. We're not sure how long it took onlookers to remove their palms from their faces. Not Quite a Smoking Gun, But Close: You think smoking's bad for you? It's even worse if you're trying to …

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Leg on Fire, Fence Full of Bullet Holes

Also, one woman shows us an even worse way to get a DWI charge

Each week, Patch takes a peek at some of the surprising, shocking, stunning and occasionally silly police-related incidents reported throughout New Jersey for "OMGs from NJ PDs." Some of the recent reports: Into the Lion's Den: Driving under the influence is generally a bad idea. Driving under the influence in front of an officer? An even worse idea. And driving under the influence to a whole building of them? Well, we can't say that one's on our to-do list. Yet Kinnelon police say a Pompton Plains woman did just that, when she showed up intoxicated to pick up a police report—then, presumably, became the subject of another one. I'll Be Back: Well, he didn't lie, per say. Toms River police say a resident of a Red Roof Inn told the manager …

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Get Out

Comedy in Springfield, Music and Performances Elsewhere

Three comedians take the mic in the Township this weekend. A record, maybe?

Get ready to laugh until your sides hurt. With three comedy shows this weekend, Springfield is really, really funny. In addition to the usual chuckle buffet served every weekend at Scotty’s, comedians take the mic at two benefits  on Friday and Saturday. Doug Karpf at Knights of Columbus Joe Matarese  Johnny Watson  Willie Nile at the JCC of Central New Jersey New Brunswick Kennel Club Dog Show Elvis Tribute Show Jazz Brunch: Champian Fulton

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Next Exit

A Beast In Briant Park

Why the Michelin Tire Company loves me.

I blew out another tire on the Beast recently. It was about that time again. The Beast and I have achieved a sort of détente of late yet, ever the Drama Queen, she still needs to remind me once in a while who the real boss is in our relationship. I was driving through Briant Park to pick up a friend for dinner when the Beast made a noise that sounded like a gunshot.  Odd, I thought. The Beast has tried all sorts of things to get my attention over the years, but suicide? That seemed overly dramatic, even by the Beast's standards. Putting that idea aside, I pulled over only to see the remains of my front passenger tire sighing dejectedly until it collapsed completely and it became clear that I was not going to be joining my friend for dinner…

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Editor's Notebook: Your Government's Facial Hair

Looking ahead to possible changes in the balance of bearded vs. cleanshaven power.

Considering the name of this website, it's appropriate that this idea started with a sort of a Patch. Specifically, a soul patch. For the past couple of weeks, Committee Member Marc Krauss has been sporting some prominent chin growth. Krauss has a narrow face and sometimes wears glasses; the military veteran and elected official looks almost beatnik-ish. His fellow Republican Jerry Fernandez is a rare elected official with a van dyke-style goatee (how rare? Google "goatee politician" and the first result is a forum asking "why don't politicians have goatees").  It's sort of a stealth goatee. I thought he had worn a goatee as long as I have been covering Springfield, but in photos from election night in November, 2009, he (and Krauss) were …

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Marc Krauss

9:17 pm on Saturday, September 25, 2010

Adam, what a great article and observation, however, I regret to inform you since the last township committee meeting that I have removed my “soul patch” and joined the ranks of the clean shaven again. Having spent 20 year in the military, I now enjoy opportunity to express myself by growing facial hair. I grew a mustache in while Iraq in 2003, but my soldiers recommend that I shave it off so I …   more ›

Editor's Notebook: All Texters go to Heaven?

Clearly, township religious institutions need to step up their game.

I imagine that even the most militant atheist in New Jersey would have no problem with this sign, which was until this week on display outside of Antioch Baptist Church on Springfield Ave. Assuming of course that they care even a smidge about motor vehicle safety.  The one flaw in the logic of the sign is indicated in the headline above: it implies you go to heaven if you die in a text-induced wreck. Maybe it's just because I was raised Catholic, but I feel like St. Peter has a more extensive checklist than that. Like, if Bin Laden vehicular homicided in mid text, he'd get face time with the big guy upstairs? I mean, come on.  But otherwise, bravo Antioch (and boo people who text while driving). 

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Next Exit

Back-To-School Night Blues

A short course on surviving Back-To-School Night.

Now that our kids are safely ensconced in their classes, let's all take a moment to thank the courageous Springfield teaching professionals who risk life, limb and sanity every day in order to give our children an education. These people welcome our children into their lives, open their eyes to different ways of thinking and, most importantly, give us adults roughly six, child-free hours each day in which we can have a coherent thought.  I work from home, so for my money, that alone is worth my property tax bill. And don't think for a second that the kids aren't benefitting.  On the very first day my son, D., came home with this important Life Lesson: "My Comm. Arts teacher read us a story today." "That's wonderful. What was the gist of …

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Next Exit: Save Money Driving Defensively In New Jersey? Ha!

A theory about how to save on gas would never fly here.

One of the things I love about the internet is the incredible amount of information available to anyone who wants it.  Need to know who hit the winning home run in the 1975 World Series*?  Bingo! It's right there.  Not only that, but we believe that whatever we look up has to be true, and why? Because it's on the internet. Needless to say, when I found an article on gasbuddy.com that suggested that careful and defensive driving could save me tons of money on gasoline and improve my mileage, I got very excited.  Fueling up The Beast is one of my biggest expenses right now, and anything I can do to lower that cost without provoking It into turning on me is of interest. I think what touched me the most was the utterly earnest and guileless …

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