The Rites of Spring: Pre- and Post-Prom Planning

PRE AND POST PROM PLANNING

The rites of spring are here. For your family that may mean proms and graduation. These events should be joyful. However, proms and graduation are often stressful and anxiety filled. The stress and anxiety is caused by the four Ds: drinking, drugs, distractions and driving. Before parents send their child, now a young adult, to the party, discussions, with an assist from the community and school, must happen.  This paper focuses on prom activities; however, much of the advice can be applied to graduation celebrations. References to parents include guardians etc.

Hopefully, throughout your child’s formative years you, the community and schools have educated youngsters to the hazards of the four Ds: drinking, drugs, distractions, and driving. If not, then between the planning and preparation for prom and graduation, these issues must be addressed. This must be done positively. It should be a discussion with your teen, not a lecture. Your child may have fears about the event and conflicting expectations, of parents, peers, and school administration. Ask them about these fears and allow them to express themselves.

Discuss the joy and excitement of the events. If your teen does express anxieties about expectations, discuss your expectations and rules they should follow. Explain that it is much easier to plan out responses rather than having to make decisions in the heat of the moment. Do some role playing. Whether it is a sports play, running for class president or preparing for a test, your child has some experience with visualization. You should be able to successfully role play and discuss situations involving drinking, drugs, distractions and driving.

Properly planned, the prom and graduation ceremonies should be the safest places for participants.  It is the pre and post activities, usually not sponsored by the school or community, with little or no supervision, where trouble lurks.

Discussing pre and post activities can be a positive learning experience for you and your young adult. Approach it as a business with timelines, with signed agreements and contracts which include incentives and penalties. Not only will you prepare your child to handle unforeseen events, but they will receive lessons which can be applied to the world beyond high school.

Start by knowing with whom your teen will be spending time. If your child has a date, hopefully you know that person. If not, have your son/daughter arrange a meeting on neutral territory where everyone will be at ease. Get the date’s name and contact information along with the parent’s information. Do the same for persons in your child’s party. Try to set up a phone tree among parents. Most importantly, several parents must be accessible during the time period involved.

Create a calendar and timeline for pre-prom, prom and post-prom activities.  This is extremely important. It brings into play discussions about transportation, location of activities, supervision and curfews.

The major activity for pre-prom is traditional picture taking at participant’s homes. This maybe first time you will see your son/daughter so miraculously transformed into an elegant young adult. Enjoy the time. Where do they go from the picture taking: pick up other friends and go straight to the prom or to a party? If they are going to a party at someone’s home, get the name, address, and phone of the host’s parents. Call the parents to make sure there will be adult supervision and no alcohol will be served. That includes beer, and “soft” alcohol such as wine coolers. If your teen is vague or not forthcoming with information, this is where discussions may get tense.

Step back emphasize that while you want your son/daughter to have a good time, their safety is paramount. You may have to play good cop/bad cop. If you reach an impasse, transportation directly to the prom may have to be arranged. Similarly, transportation from the party to the prom should be arranged.

If pre-prom activities are held in a public place, the rules for a house party hold true, with one exception; does the establishment serve liquor? Call the business directly. Find out policies concerning entrance of underage persons into the facility. If they admit underage persons, you will need to know if anyone in your teenager’s group is of legal drinking age. If so, that individual should meet with you and understand that he/she will not provide liquor for underage group members.  If a local business, the manager, owner should know about the prom and provide necessary security. If you do not feel comfortable with the arrangements, you may have to take the same action as suggested in the house party scenario.

The prom should be the most magical time for participants and give you some space. Following the calendar/timeline, you should know the time, place, and critical phone numbers. The school should give the parents details which include chaperons, administration rules and regulations concerning the event. Hopefully, the school will require permission slips signed by parents.

Depending upon what night the prom falls, the post-prom activities can run through an entire weekend. This is the least monitored and most dangerous time.  If you are “lucky” the prom will be a Saturday night, thus breaking up the weekend. The post-prom activities are when the four Ds come into play. There is a fifth D: Distance.

Immediately following the prom, the school may have planned activities at the prom site. These activities should be calendared in. If school activities end with the prom, then post- prom activities must be planned and scheduled. Post-prom is when most transportation contracts end. When contracting for transportation services, find out about extending service beyond the end of the prom. Curfews should be discussed and established. Let your teen know that they should come home and sleep so that they can be refreshed and look their best for the next day’s activities. Give the car service the end time. Do not give overtime. Any overtime should only be approved by you and other parents reserving the service. For additional information check the National Limousine Association for service information.

Your calendar should have activity locations. With this information, map out travel distances. Many prom weekends include resort locations which may be a distance from the home. Whenever possible, transportation should be arranged, round trip with no overnighters.  Spending a weekend at a resort is inviting trouble. If your teen is going for a weekend, it must be chaperoned. Parents must take responsibility. If the resort is not within your geographical area, business owners it that town may not be responsible for your child’s safety. Remember, the further away from home, the harder it is to guarantee your child’s wellbeing.

Drinking and drugs are separate and equal topics. What applies to one, applies to the other. Communities have sites where parents can find help discussing these issues as they relate to prom and graduation time. Contracts between parents and their child are available. These contracts provide guidance when addressing these issues. Remember, everything must be spelled out.

Using your calendar check where your child will be spending their time. If it is a “hotspot,” find out if there has been police activity. Learn about the atmosphere and the persons who frequent the club. Even if the club is clean, call the manager about carding and ID’s. Warn your teen not to take any drinks from strangers. Innocent drinks like Coke and Pepsi can be spiked or drugged. Also, they should watch their friends for questionable behavior. If your child feels threatened or uncomfortable, they should be able to call and reach you. You must be available and let your teen know you are there for them.

Now for the 3,000 lb. guerilla in the room; driving during prom and graduation weekend. Ideally, the school and community will hold all prom and graduation activities within a central location and provide transportation. As this is unlikely, it is the parent’s responsibility to arrange transportation. Car services were discussed, and most probably are only used for the prom.

The day(s) following the prom is the issue. Your teen maybe asked to be the driver or will be a passenger. Drivers and passengers must be responsible for what goes on behind the wheel. If anyone has a car with voice activation features, that car should be used. All devices must be made as hands free as possible. Talking, texting, tweeting, Facebook, are the major driving distractions.  Add to that the IPod tuner and CD player and your young adult is courting danger possible.  The phone should be the source of communication. For prom and graduation weekend, deactivation of texting and internet access should be discussed.

You must check the calendar for planned activities. You must know all drivers and backup drivers. You must know the number of passengers and the car to be driven. This cannot be the clowns in a Volkswagen act Identify the car’s history. Find out about any backup cars and find out the same information. Make sure all documents are up to date, and the car(s) are insured. Prior to the prom cars should be taken for servicing. Parents should have spare keys to the car. Map out routes. Have drivers stay on major roads where they will be seen and get help. Make sure there is a GPS, if possible, hands free. Go over how and where to call in case of an accident or mechanical problem. Make sure they know to call you immediately. Give your child a preloaded credit card for car related use. This should be separate from other cards which should also be preloaded. 

Despite all your planning, road incidents can happen. Prepare the car(s) with an auto emergency kit. The kit, should be packaged in a durable auto bag and contain light and communications, tools, tire repair items, first aid kit. For more information go to www.e-mergencyonlinestore.com.

Finally, if your child feels uncomfortable, tell them to call you immediately. If necessary, help them find alternative transportation home. Assure them they should not be embarrassed or worry about the opinions of others in the group. Assure them if they do not feel right, they must do what’s right for them.

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