Enjoy the Little Things in Life For One Day You May Look Back and Realize They Were the Big Things

I love quotes and my favorite one of all is "Enjoy the little things in life for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things"~ Antonio Smith.

Over the years as a grief counselor and grief educator I have had the privilege to meet and listen to hundreds and hundreds of courageous and heartbroken people share stories with me about the grief over missing a loved one, dear friend or beloved pet. Countless times I am struck at what they most miss, which are often the smallest things that we so often take for granted. We often think about the big stuff when it comes to being with our loved ones and family, the vacations, the holidays, the celebrations etc. However I have learned that when it really comes down to it, the most missed things are often the smallest and yet most memorable.

Here are some things that children, teens and adults have shared with me over the years that they miss the most: "going to the beach together, watching him mow the lawn, sharing a cup of coffee or hot chocolate, the way his tail would wag so fast whenever she came home, hearing them laugh, the hugs, the trips to the 7-Eleven for a Slurpee, seeing them sitting in the stands during their game, the way she said his name, the song that he used to sing when he was tucked into bed, the way that she made a tuna sandwich, the visits to the nursing home, the card games, the way he would throw his backpack on the couch after a long day at school, the way the dog would lick her tears whenever she cried, the way the cat would always curl up by his head in bed,  the care packages at college, her smile, the rides to school, how he would dance with her in the living room, the way she would get teary eyed whenever she talked about the grandchildren, the sound of her sighing, watching a favorite show together, walks in the park, long drives together even in silence, food shopping together, watching sports together,  the way he would wrestle with the boys at night, the smell of her perfume, the noise in the house, the dog's company, how she would use up all the hot water with her long showers, the garlic smelling up the kitchen, the late night conversations, the nagging, watching her play with her grand-kids, his amazing memory, the wrinkles on her face when she smiled, the sparkle in his eyes whenever he would see us, the summer nights chasing fireflies, his words of encouragement, the time spent together, the phone calls, the texts....everything.

Interesting that the small things that we so often take for granted are what seem to mean the most. Sure the vacations and celebrations are fun, but most of life is the day to day stuff. It is the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the driving to and from, the errands and the tasks that must get done. The daily living stuff that so many of us complain about, as it often feels that it gets in the way of the more fun stuff. Yet when someone in our life who we loved or cared about is gone, we suddenly miss those mundane and routine things. We feel sad that we will no longer be able to appreciate those things with our person who is no longer here. If we are fortunate enough, we may learn to appreciate the very simple things in a whole new way. We then can stop complaining about having to run our children to school or practice again, or walk the dog again, or of the noise in the house or having our elderly parent ask us the same question three times, and instead we can stop, breathe and remember to be grateful for what we have right now in this moment.

Please, don't take anyone in your life for granted. Don't put off telling someone you love them or appreciate them. Visit those you keep meaning to see. And remember when you don't know how to help someone who is heartbroken, you don't know what to say or do, remember that it is the smallest things that mean the most. A call, a visit, a text, a note or lending a listening ear to hear about all the day to day small things that they miss the most now that their loved one is no longer here.

If any of you want more information about grief or losses of all types, please visit my website: www.griefspeaks.com

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With gratitude for the little things,

Lisa Athan